Andres*

Putting yourself out there, being prepared to be vulnerable, to be exposed to rejection…it takes a special person. It takes guts.

Andres is a happy soul. He reminds me of a sunflower. He doesn’t like sunflowers, well not compared with a peony or a tulip. But when I explain that he reminds me of them growing in the wild, standing tall among the reeds of grass swaying in the wind, I think he begins to understand. At the age of 21 I remember being on a train alone somewhere in the world and feeling a little melancholy. Then lo and behold, as different panes of terrain flashed by, there emerged a field of sunflowers. A field of gold so powerful you couldn’t help but smile. 

And what a power to have, to make someone smile. Andres has the most infectious laugh. Indeed he says he has been identified in an international airport by his laugh. It starts like a cackle, winds up like a motor and then just when you think it’s finished, it manages to reach another octave. Brilliant. He is both a handsome and a beautiful man. Of Colombian heritage he has flawless sun-kissed skin, an understated sense of style and a set of pearly whites like you’ve never seen. The latter is a stand-out in photos because he is constantly smiling and laughing. Andres also exudes positivity and joy. It’s incredible how no matter what kind of day you’ve had, when you catch up with him or when his name simply pops up on your phone, you feel grateful for and inspired by life.

All this might suggest that life is carefree and easy for Andres. In fact his journey to date has been quite the opposite. He knew from a young age that he was different to other boys, that he was drawn to males and felt strong emotions. Born into a devout Catholic family, later born-again Christians, Andres describes the tortuous feeling of living a life that espouses certain virtues while knowing deep down he’s being pulled in another direction. 

I can only imagine how lonely that must have felt. There’s enough going on being a teenager with changing hormones and a growing level of self-consciousness, let alone all the rest of it. But where your family is usually your comfort blanket, your safe space, Andres did not consider this an option. Knowing his family’s commitment to its faith and mindful of the other trajectory he was heading he did not feel comfortable expressing how he felt, particularly while experiencing a juxtaposition of emotions; feeling guilty on the one hand and like he was betraying himself on the other. 

A wonderful and unique trait of Andres, I think, is his compassion and graciousness. He articulates so clearly the reasons for his patience with family and friends in understanding his situation. He explains it took him at least 10 years to reach some level of peace with himself and therefore figured it would take others some time to come to terms with his sexuality. 

Andres loves both his parents dearly, describing them as the ‘best parents in the world’. He is particularly close to his mum whom he describes as the rock of the family. She herself experienced a number of challenges growing up but acquired an inner resilience with each trial. It seems the apple does not fall far from the tree and he too looks life in the face and says ‘bring it on’.

And he hasn’t looked back. 

Andres and his parents have a beautiful relationship. It is rich and runs deep having travelled this journey of learning and personal growth both separately and together, an unbreakable bond.

I think it’s fascinating how people of different religions/lifestyles/belief systems/call it what you wish can co-exist in something of a Venn diagram, the core and critical element being sharing the capacity to love and respect others. In football parlance, perhaps we are all members of the AFL. We may play for different teams, but at the end of the day we have a common denominator, we respect the bigger picture, the sheer essence of the game.

I love Andres. He taught, and continues to teach me so much about love, about kindness, about compassion, perspective and understanding. He’s 100% in. There’s no holding back or saving part of himself as a means of self-protection. He’s prepared to be vulnerable, prepared to be hurt and I think it’s both courageous and admirable.

Andres, the world is a better place because of you. 

You are wonderful and you are loved.

*Not his real name