Arabella*

How many people do you know could travel to another country as an only child at the age of 15, learn another language and conquer personally, academically and professionally? I know few. Arabella is one of them.

How painful it must have been to leave your beloved parents, your homeland, everything that is familiar. Arabella was born in China then moved to Hong Kong. Her childhood is reminiscent of a sweet and sour juxtaposition. She recalls her parents worked extremely hard to establish themselves and set her up for life. After visiting an Australian school open day in Hong Kong, her mum decided that a girls’ boarding school in Victoria provided the best option in which to educate their beautiful daughter. She found the transition difficult however, and recalls with a pained expression the feeling of being told to leave a history class because her lack of English was allegedly holding up the other students. Hold that thought and how that must have felt.

I remember the first time I met Arabella. She was working in the Melbourne office of our national organisation. I was living in Sydney at the time but happened to work from the Melbourne office for the day as the opportunity just happened to coincide with the Melbourne Football Club’s appearance in the AFL finals series - For. The. First Time. In. 12 Years. I vividly remember this girl bounding up to me, introducing herself and asking whether I’d like a coffee. The opportunity to share a Melbourne latte with someone so convivial was an offer to good to refuse. As the coffee worked its magic, stories were shared and a friendship was born.

Arabella is that wonderful combination of being both bright and hard working. If being fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese is not enough of an accomplishment on its own then get this, she has a Bachelors, an Honours and a PhD (thank you very much) in biomedical science. BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE at the University of Melbourne, one of Australia’s most prestigious universities. I can’t even say biomedical science let alone imagine what that involves. She has fond memories of her time at International House, one of the colleges on campus, having acquired many loyal, ‘ABC (Australian Born Chinese) friends’.

We agree she’s not unlike an onion. On the surface Arabella is a breezy personality, she’s got zip and go. Peel back a layer and there’s a complexity there filled with a mix of pain and dare I say it, with a touch of misgiving. We had a girls night out once with colleagues from work. The mood was euphoric, spirits were high when we collectively embarked down memory lane. It’s then that Arabella’s face contorted from a joking, laughing expression to one of pain. While still laughing her face betrayed her feelings, as the tears rolled down her face. It’s probably fair to say that no one saw that coming. She explained that when she was little her parents sent her to a boarding school for pre-school kids. Being an only child the sense of loneliness was pervasive. The highlight of the week was when she was picked up by her grandparents, on a Wednesday. Unfortunately on one occasion, perhaps with the business of life, they forgot to pick her up. She remembers departing for boarding school and pressing three fingers up against the glass of the rear of the bus for her grandparents to see, three fingers being Wednesday. As she continued laughing / crying we sat around stunned unable to empathise, because frankly, we couldn’t. It is a vivid memory that still lingers.

She’s refreshingly forthright. She laughs recounting that her friends tell her ‘Arabella, when you go out, just shut up’ in case she should offend someone. It’s something I really respect about her. She doesn’t tiptoe about the issue, she’s direct and to the point. Sometimes I think we can hold back, at least I know I do, until I get a sense of my surrounds and feel comfortable knowing that I’m not treading on awkward terrain. But why the odd filter might be required, why hide behind a facade before we show our true selves. Do you really want to hang out among those who might be quick to judge anyway? Rip off that onion layer and let it shine I say.

The great irony here with Arabella is that despite this perceived outward confidence she has an underlying fear of failure. It sounds crazy given all her achievements but as we chat, I am convinced of this element of self-doubt. I remember the late great Jim Stynes’s quote: 'If you let go of fear you can do anything - you can chase the things you really want to do and live the life you were born to live.’ So true, but easier said than done.

She has a lovely Italian partner called Andrea (also not his real name). I happened to catch up with them for a drink one night. I couldn’t help chuckling as here they were communicating to each other in their second language at rapid speed. I could hardly keep up their English was so good. He’s a lovely guy and Arabella notes they complement each other in their thinking. They are both bright and while solutions-oriented, can arrive at the same conclusions via different avenues. Andrea is strategic thinker while Arabella is more lateral. They share a keen sense of adventure and are always venturing to new places, trying new restaurants. It’s a winning combination that also extends to the tennis court. Arabella will not admit it but she has a ferocious forehand, I have witnessed this firsthand after watching video footage and having come off worse for wear playing against her in table tennis.

Arabella sometimes its worth sitting outside the sphere in which you operate and reflecting on everything you’ve achieved. I got goosebumps listening to your story. It’s remarkable. I wish your history teacher could see you now. You truly have had the last laugh. From the tennis court, to your doctorate and traversing myriad cultural norms. Having people from all walks of life, from every domain fall in love with you, that says so much.

Dr Arabella, take a bow.

*Not her real name.