Tristan

Tristan is in his early 40s. He describes his life as being ‘meant to be’. A comment like that gives me a warm inner glow. Life isn’t easy. It can be tough, uncompromising and like riding a rollercoaster with all its ups and downs. One of the joys of writing this blog is the opportunity to write about ‘ordinary' people who are extraordinary in their own right. Tristan is no exception. ’Meant to be’. Think about that. Fate, kismet, call it what you will (I like to think it’s magic) but it gives you an indication that this man is quite content with his life and is grateful for everything that’s come his way, along the path that he has forged.  

There’s a number of reasons for this sentiment. The first and foremost is the good fortune to have met his life partner. I remember meeting Joan for the first time. She called to him and he turned around to be greeted by this beautiful, tall, regal-looking woman with a gentle, wise face. They both attended Catholic schools in the Bayside area, partook in college debating teams and share the same groups of friends. They discovered they often frequented the same venues as young(er) adults and there would have been many occasions when they would have just missed each other. When they look back on their story they realise they encircled each for most of their lives until Life’s doors synchronised their sliding.

Tristan has an inquisitive nature. He’s very bright, has a great sense of humour and I would add, is a little cheeky. He’s into both the detail and the blue sky thinking and has worked across a number of portfolios in his professional life. He was my manager in a Victorian Government department. He’s not just any manager, he’s a brilliant manager, always encouraging and empowering his staff. I tell him so. I’m sure many would agree that good managers are hard to find and can have a huge impact on an individual’s perspective about their workplace. He always strives to broaden his own learning and development. Case in point, on one occasion he asked a select group of managers, peers and subordinates to gather in his absence and collectively provide feedback on areas he was doing well and to identify areas for improvement. My significant value-add was that he should cease supporting the Collingwood Football Club. 

We’ve built a wonderful rapport over footy. Whenever Melbourne played the Pies we’d wager a bottle of wine (white if Collingwood won, red if Melbourne won) and it must be said I think I got the better of the deal. On the topic of vintage interests, many a problem has been solved over a bold Shiraz in the City Wine Shop, one of Melbourne’s finest establishments in Spring Street. So much so the two of us may as well have invested shares in the place. 

Tristan and Joan are now blessed to have a beautiful daughter in Rosie. I ask him how he has found parenthood and he straightaway says ‘I love it’. In fact he believes it completes him but quickly adds not that someone should have to have a child to feel complete. 

He's very loyal and demands and expects this in return from family and friends alike. He has had many great nights out with mates in the Melbourne precinct, notably the Gin Palace, and some fabulous adventures overseas. More memorable, pre-family and partner escapades include travelling to Singapore, Hong Kong and Shanghai and introducing a close friend to the world of online dating. Chuckling, he describes that experience as ‘grown men behaving badly’ and recounts his protective sister scolding his good friend for his own state of ‘dustiness’ despite his cover being ‘food poisoning’ at the time. 

There is one question I’ve been meaning to ask him but tread tentatively in seeking his permission before doing so. Tristan is blind. He has retinitis pigmentosa, a rare, inherited degenerative eye disease. I ask him what it felt like being able to see and then lose his vision. His response is breathtaking. Tristan started losing his sight in his 20s. Chris, a close friend of his, described what he was about to go through. It would be overwhelming but if anyone was equipped to handle it he was. As his vision deteriorated he began to lose confidence in his ability to do things, like travelling and having relationships. But slowly, after experiencing a period of vulnerability and grief his emotional wellbeing strengthened and his confidence returned in a renewed Tristan. As you’ve no doubt gathered, his blindness doesn’t define him and he can see through to the soul like no other. 

His professional career has seen him work at the highest echelons in state and federal government and the not for profit sector. He has worked in Melbourne, Canberra and Sydney (residing in a loft warehouse thank you very much). While work once might have been his first prerogative, it is no longer. He is passionate about social policy and inclusion, but it is but one aspect of his life Venn diagram. His family is his first and foremost priority, he is President of the Victorian Public Sector Enablers Network, and he demonstrates leadership in various other capacities. 

COVID-19 has been devastating on so many levels but despite its impact Tristan has revelled in spending quality time with Rosie, those precious moments when she transitions from a baby to a toddler. Again, it’s his positive outlook in challenging circumstances that I find so remarkable and inspiring. The word fate, to my mind, almost rings of ‘good luck’, but I think that undermines Tristan’s determination, his good humanness, his attitude and kindness. This man has created his his own path and many have followed him, including yours truly. 

Tristan wouldn’t change any aspect of his life, even if he could. He says self-care is so important and you don’t have to accept life on its own terms. 

Like a fine red wine, his life is rich, whole, immersive and just gets better with age.