Bette
I have been wanting to write about this woman for a long time. She’s long refused. Her first remark, the same as everyone else that I approach, is “I’m not interesting enough. I’m pretty boring really”. Yet I don’t think “Bette is boring” is an alliteration that has ever been printed or uttered in a sentence in the entirety of human history, apart from her own.
Bette is into her magical 70s. She has well and truly lived to date and there’s so much more to do. She’s highly intelligent but she’ll never acknowledge the fact. Her intelligence ventures beyond an extensive knowledge of literature, music and classic movies into the realm of advanced emotional intelligence, EQ or just ‘getting humans’ for want of breaking down an attribute to its most fundamental.
Policies can be followed and text books can be studied. Indeed, AI and machine learning are increasingly doing a lot of the thinking for us. Knowledge, facts and probability can be learned. But connecting with people, with the complexity of the human spirit takes precious patience and understanding nuances, reading the play and going with the flow. It’s not forcing an issue, or talking to someone as if they’re Siri or Alexa. It’s having tact and discretion. I truly believe this is a skill that’s innate, in that you either have it or you don’t.
Some people have super powers. One friend can sleep at the drop at the hat. Literally, she can sleep on the steps at a train station, or aboard a flight before take-off unaided by alcohol or tablets. Bette’s superpower is that she can relate to people and make them feel as though they’ve known her for a long time. She creates a safe space, builds trust and leans in. It’s special and unique.
This superpower is one that’s been subconsciously wielded through her career. Her CV is stellar and varied, not that she’ll ever admit it. She’s worked in women’s health, for a women’s refuge service, co-owned a cafe, been a bus conductress and worked in various agencies in the government sector. The connection among all is the interaction with people and the requirement for tact, nous and discretion. Perhaps she’s inspired by the strength of women in adversity, she remains a feminist and isn’t slow in coming forward in standing up for what she believes is right generally.
Case in point, Bette organised a group of us to see ‘Paco’ the flamenco guitarist and troupe at the Enmore Theatre. The night was a success, the music fabulous, the dancing a return to Strictly Ballroom but heightened to the factor of 10. The one downside, soon to be corrected, was that a man thought it was OK to film the performance on his iPad, which was thoroughly distracting for all those around him. Bette took it upon herself to do what everyone within a radius of 20m wanted to do, she tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to stop. Like an indignant peacock, his hackles raised, the gentlemen protested that everyone else was doing the same thing. Like, how old are we? I’m pretty sure he knew he was doing the wrong thing but like a two-year old, he beat his chest and lashed out for his conduct having been detected. If memory serves me correct, he even threatened to report Bette to the ‘authorities’, whoever they are. Bette’s retort? “I’m seat C65 for clarification”. In other words, “bring it on”. Fair to say, everyone was on Bette’s side. She had the guts to do what no one else could.
She underestimates herself. I just wish everyone could spend some time with this woman because she has charm, wisdom, intelligence and she’s a storyteller. She has some incredible stories and some of them you literally have to see and hear from her own mouth to believe them. Most recently she tells me she auditioned for Red Faces with her friends in an a cappella singing group called the “Layers of Grooviness”. Her stories are often accompanied by charismatic gestures, like the foley artist accompanying a script. When you do hear them, it is odds on you’ll bend over in hysterics by the end of the story, because she’s masterful at recounting extraordinary scenarios, where it must be said, she is often the protagonist. Like a magician, she entrances you and makes you wonder, how on earth is that possible?
She has a loyal band of friends. There’s a group from university and they catch up once a month online, a hangover from COVID days (remember those?). It’s a lovely tradition. I reckon if someone hurt her friends she’d take them down. She has that lovely balance of being principled, yet understands that life isn’t necessarily black and white, there are shades of grey and complexities that influence our collective decision-making and roads taken. She has that sixth sense and perspective, again that EQ that not everyone grasps. She’s like a modern-day Marvel character. She might not fly with an armoured suit like Iron Man, but she can see through a person to their soul with a laser lens, and that’s a capability you’ll never find in any public sector framework.
Born in Melbourne, Bette’s parents died during her primary school years. Their deaths inevitably changed the lives of the young trio, of her and her two brothers. She has many fond memories of her living arrangements in the years that followed. The family moved to the Central Coast when she was nine, then in her 20s and 30s Bette had subsequent stints in Armidale, Darwin and the Blue Mountains before settling in Sydney. She’s met some characters over the years. One particularly memorable living arrangement sounded like something out of Melrose Place, minus the partner and bedroom swaps. Bette and her fellow tenants all got on, despite their toxic landlady and participated in daily briefings and conversational meanderings. It’s hard, I think to find a connection like that, but she, like a few of them, is the agent that binds.
I have the great honour of being Bette’s work wife. We’ve sat in the same pod for more than two years now. Each day is a treat, it’s like being in a labyrinth or a choose your own adventure novel. You just never know what’s going to happen. If the vortex of work becomes all consuming, she’s like a breath of fresh air. She’ll stop typing and reflect on an aspect of life, past work experience or recount another story, usually followed up by a cackle. It’s a reminder that life’s a blessing and we shouldn’t take it for granted, it goes quickly and every moment is to be savoured.
Anyone who knows me, or has read some of this blog knows that I stick to the mantra that everyone needs a strong group of women around them. I’m honoured to call Bette a friend and consider her part of this special group of empowered, strong women. I admire her immensely and give daily gratitude to the fellow upstairs that she’s in my life. I just wish everyone had this privilege.
She’s possibly a shy extrovert. As we know, she gets people and seems to channel energy from being around others once she becomes accustomed to them. Having written that, she’s pretty adamant she’s an introvert and I get that also. She’s been known to start a sentence only to finish abruptly but there’s clearly another conversation that keeps going on in her head. How do I know? A fellow introvert can tell. The trait is as indicative as a tattoo stamped on the forehead. Silence may follow her utterances but the narrative continues internally when she stops and swivels around in her chair.
It’s no coincidence her pseudonym is Bette. Think of the Bette’s you know. Bette Davis and Bette Midler, for example. They’re unique, they’re strong and they command the room. Sometimes she’s pensive like she regrets some of life’s decisions, just my musings, not her words. Thing is, if she didn’t make those decisions, take those forks in the road, she wouldn’t be Bette, and that’s why we love her. I wouldn’t change her if I could.
As the All About Eve quote follows, “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night". What a ride it is. It’s not boring, it’s joyous, adventurous and testament to the human spirt. Of course there are dips, that’s part of being human, but riding the wave with Bette means living life to the full, experiencing the surge and taking others with you.
I think she’s amazing, inspiring and I love her to bits.