Bess

Mum and I are sitting in the local cafe in Sale having a chat. In the middle of conversation we’re accosted by a fresh faced girl, no make that woman, whom I haven’t seen in 11 years, since her wedding day to be exact. She hasn’t changed a bit. Not one bit. Her freckles are just as vibrant, the melanin firing within, while her spirit is still as effervescent. She’s a breath of fresh air, the type of person dad calls an ‘evergreen’. Always has been. 

Bess and I were as thick as thieves in primary school. She was the tall, cheeky one while I was the serious studious type. We played together, shared secrets, were/remain kindred spirits and like all good friends find it easy to pick up where we left off. Once you meet her, you’ll never forget her. It’s not surprising she burst back into our lives. As a youngster she had a crop of bright red curly hair, Annie style, which over the years has become auburn, matt and sophisticated. She was a bigger girl when she was younger, the formidable Goal Shooter of our Black Cats netball team. Now at 41 she’s slim and elegant and still retains her sense of self and edge of larrikin. 

Bess has a wonderful laugh. It’s more like a chortle. She also has a tendency to laugh at her own jokes which I think is fantastic. She’s blessed with the unique trait of not bowing to subservience. She doesn’t change who she is no matter who she’s around. Case in point, I vividly recall a moment in year nine when our poor maths teacher, a lovely but dull man, couldn’t manage the class. Like several teachers he just didn’t know how to handle Bess (among others). On one occasion our class was so unruly that he grew exasperated saying he would only come back into the room when we were ready to learn. After some time he returned, only to have Bess say on everyone’s behalf that we weren’t ready to learn. So he went back out again. Ask her a question and she’ll give you an honest answer. 

If there’s anyone whose made the most of their lot in life to date it’s Bess. I don’t particularly like that saying because if you’re familiar with this blog at all you’ll know that I think we create a bit of our own magic in life. Life, even from a young age, hasn’t been without its challenges for Bess. But we all have options available to us and when an opportunity has presented itself she’s gripped it with both hands every time. She sends me a photo. The woman smiling back has an open, fresh and kind face. She’s on her first day of rounds as a student nurse. She started out as a music teacher but at 41 she decided to have a career change enrolling in a Master of Nursing Practice. She’s always been passionate about older people. She was destined to work with people. People energise her. She seems invigorated just talking about her new course. It’s theoretically difficult. There’s plenty of science and biology involved but it doesn’t deter her, she’s committed. Gutsy changing course don’t you think? When she has the security of an ongoing role which has a clear career trajectory. 

This last paragraph touches on two things important to her; music and the senior citizens in our community. She was born with a sense of rhythm and music flows through her. It flows through her veins like the tributaries of a great river. She learned the cornet at primary school and in secondary school took to the trombone. She loved the school band, immersed herself in the Sale City Band and competed at Eisteddfods. On completion of her VCE she hoped to get into The Australian Army band but that didn’t eventuate so she successfully applied for a role at the Victorian College of the Arts. She subsequently undertook a teaching degree and taught in a number of schools across Melbourne. Music is a big big part of her life. It always will be. 

I hope all her students will look back and appreciate just what an awesome teacher she is and how fortunate they were to be in her class. When I think about the scope of influence a teacher has on a young person’s aspirations, it’s enormous. I only wish I had all the details of my former teachers so I could write them a note of thanks. That extends to my poor year 12 art history teacher in front of whom I apologised for my flatulence while discussing Botticelli’s Adoration of the Magi (she was in hysterics). I always take ownership, though it’s particularly awkward when there’s only two of us. 

Above all else though, it’s Bess’ capacity and willingness to authentically engage with older people that I want to focus on. She respects their wisdom, their life journey, their stories and how they’ve paved the way for future generations. See what many don’t know about her is that she and her mum nursed her grandmother until she was called to a greater place. Sadly her grandma was diagnosed with cancer, requiring palliative care. Bess and her grandma moved to Sale to live with Bess’ mum. She would get up every few hours in the night to turn her grandma to mitigate the risk of bed sores, alleviate pain, provide emotional comfort, then go on to teach a full day’s work with minimal and broken sleep. Bess was of an age where most were going out to bars, parties and forging networks. So this, this speaks volumes of the person she is. If actions speak louder than words then this was a megaphone period in her life. I only learned after our 11 year catch up that her grandma moved to Sale because Bess moved to Sale. Why? Because before the diagnosis Bess did all her shopping and would look in on her every weekend. I invite you to reflect on that for a moment.

There is only one Bess. She is, quite frankly, one in a million. Once you’ve met her, you’ll never forget her. She’s changed but she hasn’t. The girl who as a child would ride laps of Lake Guthridge with Bouncer the family dog, who balanced a massive trombone on her bike between school campuses, who would win pass the parcel on my birthday (I’m sure mum had a hand), and who has infinite zest for life, has become the woman who has passed on her love of music to the next generation and who will enable some in trauma or palliative care, for whom the sun does not shine, to smile. 

Her world is her family. She has the kindest, most gentle husband in Niall. They met on RSVP before dating apps were the thing. She’s unabashed about it, again testament to her solutions-focused, open attitude. She was lonely. What options were available? Online dating. “Where to sign up?” They now have two beautiful daughters. There is a warmth that emanates around them; laughter, the nurturing of enquiring minds and a sense of safety. I feel safe around Bess. Imagine what her children feel. 

I’m sure Niall would be the first to admit he won the lottery in marrying Bess. I know I feel that way just having the privilege of calling her my friend.